Good Guys vs Bad Guys: 10 Quick Questions to Ask Yourself

Good guys vs bad guys, words that have been searched many times in Google. Why? Why is this such a popular concept and why do we often have an issue with deciding between the two? Also, as Christians, why is the difference between a Godly guy vs a good guy never discussed?

There is definitely a reason why girls are searching this and it’s because it can be very difficult sometimes trying to figure out who are the good guys vs bad guys. Also, with now the added category of “Godly” it can become overwhelming.

Please Note: The labels of good guys vs bad guys aren’t labels of my choosing but one that has a significant amount of numbers shown on Google. I wanted to be able to address it to hopefully, give you some guidance in being able to decipher between them.

The term “good” is always subjective while being Godly is objective.

As Christians, we are called to submit ourselves to the Word of God. Even though a guy may be labeled as “good” by the world, he may not be labeled as Godly by the Word of God. Without God, good isn’t enough.

Almost all these questions for your reflection were inspired by my own personal dating experiences and some I have personally witnessed through others.

For more help in dealing with bad boys and the effect of bad boy traits, check out this post: “Bad Boy Traits: 7 Signs to Look Out For.”

Good Guys vs Bad Guys: 10 Quick Questions to Ask Yourself

1) How does he treat the women in his life, including his sister?

You may have heard this before but I have seen this prove true time and time again. This is a great glimpse into the future of how he is going to treat you and very telling of how he views women as a whole so take notes! Is he respectful? Caring? If he has a sister, does he treat her with equal amount of respect and love as his Mom? Sure, siblings can argue but there is a difference between momentary disagreements versus a lifestyle of deep disrespect.

If you like what you see, that’s great. If you don’t, I would seriously think about moving on because one day that may be you and your child he’s treating like that.

A Godly guy has Godly behavior.

2) Does he keep his hands to himself?

Have you seen him chase girls down in the hallway? Have you witnessed him smack yours or another girl’s butt/other body part? Use his hands for harm?

This is a sure sign that he doesn’t respect women or their boundaries. If he does it to you, you may think, “Well I’m his girlfriend so it’s okay..”, but the reality is a Godly man will use his hands for honor. If a man can’t control his hands with you, I have found that they may not be able to control his hands with others whether or you are around or not. It’s a habit of dishonor and someone who is respectful will not use their hands for their self gratification.

“A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.” (Prov. 25:28)

A Godly guy will show self-control.

3) Does he pay attention to you when you are talking?

Does he look around? Can he remember anything you said? Does he ask you to repeat yourself or doesn’t even bother because he didn’t really care to know to begin with?

When a guy is into you, he will pay attention to what you have to say and even better contribute to the conversation. If he’s too busy looking behind you for attention elsewhere, then this can be a red flag.

We are living in a time where ADHD and other health reasons can prohibit someone from giving you their full attention but this is different. If people are actively seeking to get someone’s attention or are too distracted to give you their full attention, that behavior can only last so long before it starts to change you causing unnecessary bitterness and insecurities.

When you can find someone who can and will give you the attention you want, it’s better than wasting time with those who don’t.

4) What type of language does he use around you?

It is biblical to watch how we speak and what we say. Cursing, telling crude jokes, calling people names even in jest, can set an atmosphere of unease. Many people have grown up in homes where this type of language has usually been followed by some sort of abuse. Therefore, we must obey the Word of God by speaking words that seek to uplift and bring life.

Does he speak this way? Has it been a habit to belittle you either alone or in front of others?

Foul language is a sign that something has not been handed over to Christ. One of the first things the Lord had me fix was how I spoke. It was inappropriate, there was a lot of cursing, and it wasn’t kind. I noticed the effect my words had on people and I changed because I’m representing Christ in all I do. It is possible so if the excuse is, “This is how I am..” or “This is how I was raised..”, then it may be time to move on.

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Eph. 4:32)

5) Does he have a plan for his future?

When someone Being cute doesn’t pay the bills (unless you are a model); so if you want a future with him make sure he will be able to provide for you and your future family’s needs. If he keeps asking you for money or expecting you to pay for things now while you are dating, you can be sure that this will carry on into marriage. Besides someone who has motivation and goals is definitely attractive. Chilling on the block is cute at 16 but it gets weird at 35.

6) Does he like to play inappropriate mind games with you?

Does he leave you guessing all the time? Won’t answer questions directly, or at all?

I hear a lot of girls and women saying, “He doesn’t know what he wants.” I assure you, he does. When a boy likes or loves you, he will say it. If he wants to be your boyfriend or fiancé, nothing is going to stop him from making that happen. If he is constantly playing mind games with you, he doesn’t respect you. Keep it moving!

7) Does he have a lot of girls surrounding him?

Usually this is a sign that he is stringing a few girls around just to stroke his ego. He can call them his friends, best friends, people he just hangs with every now and then, sometimes ex-girlfriends, but excessive amounts of girls coupled with a lack of boundaries is a recipe for trouble. There is no reason why guys need that many girls around unless they are being used for a purpose you may not want to know about.

When it comes to good guys versus bad guys, good guys will be very careful with who he is in friendship and relationship with. He respects girls and doesn’t want to hurt their feelings intentionally so he can satisfy his own selfish needs.

8) Is he involved in drugs and alcohol?

As much as some people thinks it’s cute, the gangsta lifestyle, it’s not because it won’t be cute when you got cuffs on because you were chilling in his car and he had drugs on him. It won’t be cute if you end up having kids with him and they are now in danger because of this lifestyle. It won’t be cute when you get thrown in jail for a plea deal whether you were involved or not.

Save yourself not only heartache but your future as well. If they are using drugs or always drinking, they aren’t ready to take care of you because they aren’t even taking care of themselves. I’ve seen 40 year olds still act like they are 16, it wasn’t cute then and it’s not cute now.

9) How is his spiritual walk?

Now I didn’t ask, “Does he go to church?” A lot of people go to church but their spiritual walk with God is nonexistent. You want someone on your level or higher. If there is ever an emergency or crisis, believe me you are going to want someone who knows how to pray.

Again, being a relative of someone who serves in church, walking into church, claiming Jesus Christ, all these things don’t make your spiritual walk strong. If you are wondering if this person is true, always check the fruit of their life. The fruit never lies. If they say they love Jesus Christ, but are cursing up a storm or being highly disrespectful to those around them, this is a red flag and should make you question the truth behind their words.

10) Do you see a future with him?

If you don’t, you are just wasting your time and energy on someone who won’t be significant in a couple of months or years. People can be very quick to get into a relationship and find out it’s going nowhere but still stay in it because they are bored or other reasons that hold no weight for their future.

Invest your time in someone who will walk through the different stages of life with you, hand in hand. It’s the difference between having an acquaintance and your best friend.

“The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.” (Prov. 21:5)

Besides you don’t want to waste really great gift ideas and dates on someone who won’t matter in a few months or years. I made this mistake way too often and found myself burnt out and bitter. Getting married did allow me to heal from these mistakes, I made sure to redeem my ideas to someone who I knew was going to appreciate it. However, why go through the frustration when you can protect your peace now?

“Remember what you think is best, God may see as you settling for less.”

-Nina Daugherty

Good guys vs bad guys vs Godly guys. Thank the Lord we have Holy Spirit to help us during these times of figuring out where people are coming from. I pray these questions will help you step back and really take a look at the person before you. It’s googled for a reason so don’t feel alone in your struggles. Continue to pray and seek the Lord in matters of the heart. He is faithful!

Baskets of Blessings,

Nina Daugherty