Updated October 21, 2022:
Losing virginity before marriage can often leave Christians wondering how to become pure again. The effects of losing virginity before marriage brings up a lot. This can include questions, feelings, and uncertainty especially surrounding their faith. In their wondering of how to become pure again, they often believe the LIE that it’s not possible.
In fact, in the years of talking about sexual purity, I’ve heard defenses against teaching abstinence, purity topics, or anything of the sort because, “What about those who already lost their virginity? How would it make them feel?” What are the lies and what are the truths about purity in Christianity? It seems as if educators, parents, and a majority of people have the wrong idea about it.
Purity is both for the virgins and non-virgins.
How to Become Pure Again | Losing Your Virginity and 13 Truths About Purity in Christianity
1. Purity is for everyone and you get to choose to start a new life with your purity-
It doesn’t matter how old, how many partners, married, divorced, race, economic status, or any situation you find yourself in, purity is for everyone and excludes no one. Once again, it is for everyone! Both the virgin and the non-virgin, Christ has eliminated any excuse from not being able to walk out this purity journey.
As a matter of fact, I didn’t start walking out my purity journey until I was in my mid-20s, divorced, a single Mom, and a few partners later. Thankfully, the Lord put a friend in my life to describe her journey of purity so I would know that I too could make the decision of purity. I’m also glad this happened before I met my husband and we were able to walk out the journey together. I am a walking testimony to this truth. The ability to choose is one of the greatest gifts Jesus Christ has given us. You can start being pure today because He says you can. You can say “No.” to sexually immorality and “Yes!” to purity.
2. Purity is challenging but worth it so make a game plan-
Just like anything that takes work, a career a job, an art piece, choreography, or winning a championship; it takes work. Putting in the training and executing Godly behavior will reap major benefits. Many of us have learned that making a game plan puts any idea into action and helps protect the decision behind that idea.
Write down practical steps for how you are going to walk out your purity journey. Who can come along side you to keep you accountable? What scriptures are you memorizing or putting around your room and house to help remind you of God’s truth? What boundaries have you set in place? Is your boyfriend or girlfriend aware of them?
In my experience, putting down a game plan and sometimes going back to tweak it helped myself and my husband immensely. It saved us from tripping up in many instances.
3. Purity is God-fashioned so armor yourself up with His Word on the matter-
Again, it’s not old-fashioned but God-fashioned which means it has no expiration date (as fashion seems to come and go according to what the world decides) and purity was set up by Him. It was not something set up by what some people define as “man-made religion”. We are called to be holy and set apart. Our actions in purity point to this separation and gives an opportunity for us to share the Gospel and point to Jesus Christ. Over the years, I have found many opportunities to share my testimony and do this very thing. Many people want to be set apart for God’s blessings but they don’t want to do the work in what being set apart requires.
By looking up scriptures, memorizing it, studying it and what it means to be pure, we learn to defend our choice to others with the Word of God. Sometimes we will even need to preach to ourselves! Don’t be afraid to look in the mirror and remind yourself, especially in the face of temptation, of the Word of God so you can walk out your purity journey and maybe one day teach others how to become pure again.
4. Purity is love and one of the most loving things you can do for someone-
While sex demands self-gratification, purity demands Godly love. Sacrificing pleasure until it’s appointed time, according to God and what He has set in place is always within the context of marriage, will bring you to the true definition of love and not the other way around.
It takes courage to stand up for the things of the Lord. Also, something that’s important to note, you’re not just saving yourself from the effects of sin but also the person you are with. It doesn’t matter if they are saved or not. Leading someone astray is leading someone astray whether they believe in Jesus Christ or not. We are a walking testimony to the Lord. What are we teaching by our actions? Remember, the Lord isn’t only looking out for you but He is also looking out for the person you are with. He is concerned about the whole body of Christ and that person is your brother or sister in Christ first, even when you get married. If they aren’t a believer, the Lord is for their salvation. Are you leading them to Jesus Christ or away from Him? God is a jealous God and won’t allow any other idols to take over our lives for many reasons.
We do not want to cheat on our Lord with other gods. Ultimately, He knows those other gods lead to destruction and our love goes to Him first. It is the only thing that will satisfy in ways nothing on this can. Ask yourselves, how are we best showing our love to God and to others?
5. Purity is biblical and we are called to obey His commands-
A few authors of the bible focused on purity in their letters. Why? Because our bodies are included in the promise of salvation on this side of eternity. It matters what we do here. Our bodies are not exempt. We cannot cut ourselves in thirds.
We can’t leave our soul in the chair while our spirit is left on the couch and our bodies are sinning in the bed. Everything we do to one of the other parts of us, affects the other. We are called to obey what the Word of God says. If we have a problem with what the Word of God says, talk to God about it! He wants to wrestle with you in a respectful way so He can soften your heart and align your heart with His. Don’t leave His presence, run to it and ask for clarification, wisdom, and help.
6. Purity is honoring and sets an example to those around you-
It honors God, your parents, the people in your life, your body, and the other person. People are affected by your decisions not just you. This is not to be condemning or put a weight you feel like you can’t carry, it’s meant to encourage you. You GET to be pure before the Lord and others. Others may have not had an option like your parents or maybe even you. You may have had horrible things done to you without your consent, leaving you feeling like you can never feel “clean” again. Maybe you were played for a fool thinking that one day you were going to get married, but then they left you feeling dirty and ashamed. There are many lies from the enemy, but God!
He gives us the opportunity at any moment to choose a different life and backs us up with His Word and through His action of dying on the cross so we could have the option of being white as snow.
7. Purity is an option away from sinful behavior and we can and are called to take this way out-
Past or present sin doesn’t give us the okay to give up. Bad decisions can’t hold us hostage to a point where we feel like we have to continue to make more bad decisions. Christ annihilated that excuse when He died on the cross. He gives us everything we need to choose differently. Plus, purity is a life long journey. It doesn’t end when we get married. Exercising the gift of purity before marriage is training for when we are tempted in different ways after we come under the covenant of marriage.
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.” (1 Cor. 10:13)
It also gives you the ability to do other things aside from sinful behavior. I have seen people become consumed with sex and I see how draining it is on them. When sex is not in its proper boundaries, it can be destructive, taking your time, physical, mental, and emotional energy, sometimes money, relationships, and sometimes children in the womb. Purity allows you to choose different.
8. Purity is healing and a gift we need to take steps in doing-
Purity gives the space to heal, restore, redeem, and refocus. It allows us to walk away from the past and provide hope for the future. It gives us the okay to not HAVE to be sexual. I remember the feeling of freedom when I learned I didn’t have to say yes to every invitation of sex or sexual acts. I felt a weight lift off me. I grew up understanding that once you lost your virginity that was it. It wasn’t an “if” we have sex but “when” because I was no longer a virgin and according to the world I didn’t have the right to say no. I couldn’t turn back time and regain my innocence or the want to stay celibate. People used it to their advantage and used my past against me.
Choosing to be pure before marriage allowed me to take back my life and heal those parts of me that needed it without anyone’s approval. This included knowing myself outside of having sex with people. It’s amazing how people’s whole personality can be based on sex. This is not what God has called us to. There’s more to life than sex and many of us need healing from those who had taken advantage of our love, wanting to be accepted, or had forced themselves on others. Purity gives us the spiritual pause for the Lord to deal with our hearts and make us the healthiest we have ever been.
9. Purity is safe so use it as a tool to protect yourself-
Purity may keep us from entering into dangerous situations and may keep us on guard from people who wish us ill will. Although people may offer you dreams of love, marriage, and a family, that may not be their actual intention. Unfortunately, I have seen many fall for this lie and have been left with broken dreams because they gave their bodies over based on these promises and hopes. Remember, they only become your husband or wife, if they actually marry you and not just promise to. It draws the Godly boundary in our lives so we can truly enjoy a life more abundantly and may protect us from unnecessary hardships.
SIDE NOTE: We know there have been many cases where even with those who chose purity, sex may have been forced on them and that is not their fault. Jesus Christ offers healing and freedom from whatever bondages people may try to continue to assault you with. Even bondages you may be placing on yourself. It gives you the opportunity to not sin anymore because sometimes in response to these injustices, our flesh wants to revolt and take back control by any means necessary but hold tight!
I have seen many fall to the lie that due to these assaults against them they are dirty and if they are dirty they might as well do what they want. The Lord doesn’t want you to retaliate in this way. He offers freedom and justice where you might not have seen or may not see. Allow the Lord to seek justice and retaliation. Only He can do it in a way that is most effective. Give the weight of justice to Him and rest, knowing He will deal with them. You get to move forward.
Ask the Lord for help and be persistent. He can handle it.
10. Purity identifies but is not an identity so know who you are in Him-
It is a sign of an obedient heart postured toward God but if lost at any moment cannot take away the identity of who you are in Him. We are called to identify with Who He identifies us as and not solely identify ourselves with sex which is what the world wants. If we take a look at what the world commercializes, we will see sex written all over the place and the age range for this has no limits. Children are being more and more sexualized because the world wants to bring up generations believing all they are good for is sex, but what does God say?
“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” (1 Peter 2:9)
This is the identity we must put on because if you mess up, by willingly losing your virginity before marriage and engaging in immoral acts, He doesn’t throw you to the side but He does call you to repentance. For those who have had immoral acts forced on them, the Lord wants to heal and restore you so take the time to sit before Him and allow Him to speak this over you.
I remember sitting with the Lord during devotional time and asking for forgiveness over any time I had engaged in any act that was outside of His design for marriage and this was after I was married again and had walked out the first portion of my sexual purity journey. We are called to have a heart of repentance at all times. Whenever we do something to someone we love that causes disruption to the relationship, we want to make it right. Our heart posture should be the same to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who died on the cross so you can live the abundant life He has for you.
When the world wants to suffocate you with how they think you should behave, dress, pursue, or talk, your dedication to Jesus Christ can be the foundation and reason for ignoring their deceptive grasps.
11. Purity is part of your legacy and we are called to not live only in the present but prepare for the future-
It can be weird at a young age to think of future marriages, kids, and grandkids but that’s because the world has taught you not to. The world wants you to only think of yourself but before you know it years have passed and people stay stagnant not knowing when they were supposed to transition over because the world left you in the desert a long time ago looking for more young people to bring into the deception that you will be young forever.
By putting goals in place now, at a young age, to live the Godly and pure love life with love, marriage, and sex God has called you to, you are changing the direction of your generations. Even if you are reading this and you don’t consider yourself “young” or you are learning how to become pure again, you still have the ability to make changes now regardless of what season of life you are in. You can still bear fruit in your lifetime. It can show a whole generation what Godly relationships, Godly marriage, and a Godly family looks like not just for your family but for those around you. I can’t tell you how many times we hear about our marriage and family from not only our children but those around us. We always give glory to God and His ways because without Him we couldn’t do it or even had to knowledge on why we needed to.
The generational curses can stop with us. Regardless of our upbringing or what we have seen as “normal”, we have to ask ourselves what is Godly. Normal is a sneaky excuse for sinning because we have seen it generationally done. By laying and setting the foundation for Godly living especially in the area of purity, we may be setting up our children and future generations for successful marriages and family. Whether or not they do, will be up to them but at least they couldn’t say that they didn’t have an example to follow. We will stand before the Lord one day and we need to stand before Him knowing we did everything humanely possible to give ourselves and those around us the ability to see, know, and choose Him.
12. Purity is a decision and one that needs commitment-
Regardless if you had 1 or 1,000 partners, if you just finished your sexual behavior and are reading this or if it happened last week, last month, or last year, or if impurity was forced on you. Purity is a decision that can be made at any time. Every breath is a second chance or the ability to rise up from the ashes and turn it all around. Make the decision to learn how to become pure again, knowing the Lord is on your side.
Remember to commit to this decision. Write it down if you have to as a reminder. This is one of the most important decisions you can make and with every great decision, commitment is required. Dedicate yourself to learning what you need to learn so you are educated in your decision and sticking with it.
13. Purity is yours and you have the ability to keep it-
People don’t have to understand it, they may not agree with it, and they might even make fun of it. However, purity is YOUR decision. It is a gift from God and no one can take it from you. People may start laughing at the beginning but the fruits of this decision will be inevitable. When we follow God, people see the blessings that come from that. It’s not for us to boast but to point to Jesus Christ and give Him the glory.
“The twenty-four elders fall down before him who is seated on the throne and worship him who lives forever and ever. They cast their crowns before the throne, saying, “Worthy are you, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they existed and were created.” (Rev. 4:10-11)
May all we do point to Jesus Christ. Purity is one of those ways where we can live radical to the world and obedient to God. Casting our crowns to the Lord when people compliment the fruits of our lives because of it, giving Him all the glory He deserves. He is the reason why we can walk out a life of purity.
Learning how to become pure again is a Godly goal and one you may achieve. I pray these truths about purity in Christianity will be the beginning in understanding the truths of purity, why purity is important, and how it can help you break free from anything that seeks to lie to you. May the Lord bless you and keep you as you seek out this new walk of faith in purity.
Baskets of Blessings,
Jesus, family, ministry, and lots of coffee! My heart comes from being a young teen girl who didn’t know much and found Jesus in a dark time. My ministry focuses on the heart of God for this generation to make Godly decisions especially in the area of purity. A blog for all ages because God’s Word is eternal and has no age limit!