There are several bad boy traits to look out for before starting a relationship. If you are reading this, I know there is at least one “bad boy” you think is hot and possibly want to date or are dating. You are probably smiling right now thinking about him and now laughing because you are caught! What is it about these “bad boys” ladies are drawn to?
Oftentimes, we think of bad boy traits as in the way they dress, how they talk, how they carry themselves when they walk into a room, or even how they challenge authority. Bad boy traits go deeper than the outside appearance and behavior. There are serious signs to look out for because teen dating violence is a real thing.
I remember having my share of this type of guy. I even got married to one at the age of 17 and it was an abusive relationship with lots of trauma and dangerous situations. Thankfully, I accepted Jesus Christ during that time and He saved me from that.
Hopefully, the information here will help you recognize not only the signs of bad boy traits but also what to do if you find yourself falling for these bad boy traits, learn the truth, and find a Godly, safe, and healthy guy who God has for you.
What is it about these guys who are rude, in trouble with the law, blatantly cheating, mistreating, playing, and beating the women in their lives and yet still had a line of women waiting for their turn? I remember when a certain pop star got arrested for beating his pop star girlfriend, I still heard girls saying, “I would let him beat me. He’s so hot.” What?!
These signs are more for YOUR heart posture rather than who they are or what they are doing. People are going to be who they are but it is our response to what we encounter that will tell us where we are within ourselves and in relationship with the Lord. Let’s look at the signs to look out for when dealing with bad boy traits.
Some of you may be in a relationship with a “bad boy” or are pursuing one. For more questions to ask yourself about choosing between a “bad boy” and a good guy, click here.
Bad Boy Traits: 7 Signs to Look Out For:
1) You want to change him.
I believe this is a big one. We feel as ladies when someone changes for us it’s the biggest form of flattery. We feel a sense of power and pride, “He did it for me! I’m different..I’m like the other girls.” It actually goes back to the Garden of Eden of wanting to be like God. However, only God can soften a person’s heart towards change. It’s not our job and can leave us wasting years on someone who will never do so or worse change us for the worse.
This is God speaking, Creator of the universe and this person, Lord of Lords and King of Kings, only HE has the power to change people. If you are wondering why you enter these relationships and they don’t change for you, it’s because you don’t have the power to change them. I hope this releases some of you from thinking you can and from the weight of thinking you have to do so. You don’t.
Only God can change the heart of a person, you are not their Savior. Only Jesus Christ can save. We are called to be a good steward of ourselves first before we ever get into a relationship. If we see they aren’t good for us, we are called to not enter into that relationship especially if they don’t serve the Lord.
We are called to obey the Lord first and this is a command from the Lord. For good reason! God sets commands for our protection because He knows the damage that comes from going outside these boundaries. I know as a teen it can be difficult to understand this, but please obey first, ask questions after. Work to come to an understanding. Trust in the Word of God while you are in the process of not seeing or understanding.
2) This person became a god to you.
Somewhere along the lines, boundaries were crossed, and God was replaced with this person. Relationships, friends, grades, activities, our personal morals and values, you name it, were all given up in the name of “love” for this person. He became your everything and this is the place only the Lord should be in.
It can happen rather sneakily and it often does. We may not have entered this relationship or dating situation thinking about replacing God with this person but all of a sudden, it happened.
What do you do?
Repent and ask for forgiveness. If you are still in that relationship, then it may be time to remove yourself from it, ask the Lord to expose anything you may not be seeing, wisdom and clarity on how to move forward in safety, fast from the relationship, or whatever else the Lord may call you to do. Whatever it is, now is the time to obey. It could save your life because we know God has a plan for your life, but so does the enemy.
Come under His protection and do it quickly. Remember God is God, not this person. They don’t have the power and authority in all the heavens and earth to control you or your future. Only our Lord and Savior does. Rest in that and move quickly.
3) He is arrogant, but you think it’s confidence.
There is a difference between being confident and being arrogant. One is walking in the authority of who we are IN Christ, the other one is wanting others to walk in what we think is OUR own authority. One leaves people feeling good, the other leaves people feeling bad.
Unfortunately, when we are aligned with people who have these kind of bad boy traits either through relationship or being in the company of them, we too will reap the consequences of their behavior. For instance, when I was married to this person who held these kind of bad boy traits and was abusive not only to myself but to others, I lost jobs and friendships. Arrogance is rude, it’s unkind, it misbehaves, and it’s rebellious amongst other things.
Being confident is an admirable and attractive quality. However, when it’s arrogance you will find yourself in embarrassing situations, justifying their actions, and pulling out excuse after excuse. We have to define their personality traits for what they are, not what we want them to be.
4) You are finding yourself isolated.
Healthy relationships draw people in and unhealthy relationship draw people out. Your closest friends and family may have tried to warn you about these bad boy traits they have seen, but you might’ve not want to hear about it. Therefore, people, although they love you, have retreated because they can’t stand to see you hurt and feel like there’s nothing more than can do.
If you are starting to notice you no longer have the once thriving community around you like you once did, maybe it’s time to step back, be honest, and see why. Ask the Lord for courage in even asking people why. Listen to what they have to say.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” (Eccl. 4:9-10)
Remind yourself of who these people were BEFORE you entered into a relationship with this person. Were they trustworthy? Were you able to hear from them before? Did they have your best interest at heart? There is a reason why God gives you a Godly, safe, and healthy community before you start dating. This way when the enemy wants to deceive you with people who aren’t right, there are eyes to see and ears to hear when we have become blind and deaf to our own wants and desires.
If you don’t have this kind of community, ask The Lord to bless you with one. He is faithful and will start bringing people to your life. However, do not silence who He sends. As people share, be prayerful about what they say, think about what they’re saying, and take everything up to God. He will expose what needs to be exposed.
5) You feel like you don’t deserve better.
Part of the bad boy traits I have found in bad boys is the ability to convince someone that they can’t find better. Somehow you end up believing this lie. They use this lie to manipulate, abuse, lie, cheat, and steal from you. They want you to believe you can’t find better so you don’t find better. However, that is not what the Lord has planned for your life.
The Lord’s plans for your life is not to punish you or have you pay for something even if you have sinned. Jesus Christ paid His life for your sins so you don’t have to. He gave up His life so you can have life and not spend your life paying for something He already paid for! Once you repent of your sins and turn from them, you get to walk out the life He has for you.
Therefore, you can find better. God has better for you. Ask Him for wisdom and help on how to move on. Also, ask for healing because you don’t want to carry over into your future relationship what you suffered in this one.
6) You use the bad boy as a form of revenge.
Sometimes to get back at our parents or others for unresolved issues we may use these bad boys and their bad boy traits as a form of revenge. We may want to use their harsh voice, their destructive behavior, or anything else to wreak havoc upon our homes and people we want to get back at. What does God have to say about that?
We are not called to use others for payback, even if you think because they are a bad boy and they don’t care, they may not, but it is our job to constantly represent Jesus Christ to him, to ourselves, and to others. We are a walking testimony to Who He is and if we are using people as revenge, we are not representing our Lord instead we are representing the enemy because that’s what the enemy does. The enemy uses people.
“Little children, let no one deceive you. Whoever practices righteousness is righteous, as he is righteous. Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil.” (1 John 3:7-8)
Ask the Lord to heal you His way. Talk to people who will help you resolve issues in your life in a Godly, safe, and healthy way. Otherwise, you are opening yourself up to the enemy’s schemes. By being part of his work, you won’t walk away unscathed. There is always consequence when working with the enemy.
7) You no longer trust in God.
You may think you can’t find anyone better and stopped trusting in God to send you the right person. Instead of waiting, you choose whatever is available. I remember one teen I used to lead in Youth Ministry who when she became a Young Adult was tired of waiting and she said, “Sure he may drink or gets high every once in a while but he’s a good person. What’s the big deal? I can’t keep waiting for a perfect person.”
God isn’t calling you to wait for a “perfect” person but He is calling you to wait for a Godly, safe, and healthy one.
God has the best person for you. You need to trust in Him. He knows you better than you do.
I have often asked my daughters when they are shopping for clothes. “Are you picking that shirt because you like it or because there are a lack of options?” The answer is usually, “There are a lack of options.” Then I tell them, “Let’s wait and save our money for something you do want.” Wait. Save your time, physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional energy, sometimes money, on someone who God has for you. My list for what I wanted in a guy was what I call now a “bendito list.” I’m Puerto-Rican and “bendito” is an expression of being sorrowful. What God had in store for me was beyond what I could ever imagine. If I didn’t wait for him to come, I would’ve missed out what God had for me because I wanted to fill a space. Wait for God’s best.
By accepting bad boy traits, you will start to see there is something more going on with you than it is with them. Take this time to really look over these signs and ask the Lord for help, healing, and restoration in these areas. You want to choose love and function through a Godly, safe, and healthy mindset empowered by Jesus Christ rather than brokenness that has happened in your life.
My taste in certain men was so bad that I finally made a pact with God. I said, “Lord, I will know he is from You when You bring him to me. Until then, I won’t pursue anyone.” Of course there were times when I tried to bend the pact or make someone be the person God sent and it failed. After a couple more failed attempts, I finally, finally, FINALLY, let God be in control. He sent me my husband a couple of months later. I never knew what I needed or wanted until I was blessed to be his wife. Your time is coming. Just wait and leave these bad boys with their bad boy traits long behind you.
Baskets of Blessings!
Jesus, family, ministry, and lots of coffee! My heart comes from being a young teen girl who didn’t know much and found Jesus in a dark time. My ministry focuses on the heart of God for this generation to make Godly decisions especially in the area of purity. A blog for all ages because God’s Word is eternal and has no age limit!