Updated November 10, 2022
When it comes to Christian teen dating, there are so many lies attacking Christian teens surrounding the topic of sex. The amount of false information constantly bombarding them, can leave even the most dedicated teen follower of Christ frustrated and confused. Unfortunately, the body of Christ isn’t having enough conversations about sex in its correct context.
Christian teens are left hiding, unsure, and left to their own devices when it comes to figuring out what’s what with sex. They are afraid to ask, don’t know who to ask, and don’t know where to go to get information how to do Christian teen dating in a Godly way.
The lies we are going to talk about below I remember experiencing them as a teen. I didn’t grow up in church. However, I have also heard the same lies come from Christian teens. In both Youth Group and through my online ministry, it’s the same deceptions when discussing sex and purity.
Where do these lies come from and what can we do to combat them?
The lies come from the enemy whose job is to steal, kill, and destroy.
He has a system in place that uses demonic forces to carry out his plans and he will also use whoever and whatever else to promote those lies especially in the area of sex. Why sex?
“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” (1 Cor: 18-20)
We are the temples of the Most High God and the enemy will use sex to try and attack God through the ones He loves. Sex is a spiritual connection and he knows if it’s out of context it disrupts our spiritual connection with The Lord.
What can we do to combat the lies and live the life The Lord has for us?
God has given us such a vital source for truth and that is the bible.
“All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work.” (2 Tim. 3:16-17)
I know for many the bible isn’t very popular for sex advice but it should be. Why is that? The bible speaks on our lives as it was originally designed, as a whole. God created us in His image and this includes our sexuality.
Who better to ask than the Creator of all? The Creator of us? Through His Word, there is truth. It will help direct your steps in your journey of sexual purity. It’s time to combat the lies
For so long, I believed in each of the lies listed below and because I believed them I made reckless decisions in the area of sex.
As you read them ask yourself, “Have I believed these lies? Am I living out my relationships and life based off these lies?” If so, I have good news. You can start living off the truth and bring back your sexual purity.
No more excuses! Time to take your life back. Let’s take a look at these lies so you can rebuke them in the Name of Jesus Christ and start walking in freedom.
Christian Teen Dating: 6 Lies Christian Teens Believe About Sex
Lie #1: Sex is the only thing I’m good for.
I have heard this lie spoken over many teens and it’s especially prevalent with those who have had sex outside of marriage. It could’ve been that you didn’t grow up in church and sex naturally became a part of your life as you grew up, maybe it was forced on you, or people have made it a point to speak this lie over you. It’s important to know that sex isn’t the only thing you are good for. You are more than just a body.
“But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” (1 Peter 2:9)
We are called to identify with who God calls us to be not what others want you to be. Throughout my teen and young adult years, I have heard boys saying that certain girls were only good for sex. If this is you, now is the time to stop believing the lie. God has created you with purpose beyond what you have done with your body. God has given you gifts and talents. If the enemy has lied to you in this way, today is the day for freedom.
Sex is a gift not a purpose.
How do you know if you have believed this lie? If you notice the only activity you seem to do with any particular person is have sex or engage in sexual activity, then you have allowed this lie into your life. If they only contact you to engage in these activities, then they are treating you like you’re just a body.
God is calling you to greater things. Sex is meant to be enjoyed within the context of marriage with someone who will love and honor you for who God made you to be. It is not meant to be a definition of who you are.
Lie #2: Sex is payment for good treatment.
Dinner, movies, lunch, or any type of gift should be given out of the overflow of love and affection someone has for you. The expectation shouldn’t be that you are instantly going to repay them with sexual activity. This happens not only with teens who aren’t Christian but it does happen in Christian teen dating as well.
This can also go both ways. If you are using your body to get stuff, then it is a form of prostitution. This was something I had to learn.
I remember at one point of my life knowing I had an issue because I started using sex to get things from whoever I was with and this was after I was saved. It wasn’t even about being in a relationship anymore. I was so deep in my sin that it was corroding other areas of who I was. It wasn’t the motivation for me having sex in the beginning, but it was leading me down a road I never even considered. It wasn’t until the Lord’s revelation to me did I realize it was a form of prostitution. He was calling me out of that mindset.
Sex is not a payment it’s a gift to be given in the context of marriage. We should never feel like we owe sex to somebody because they decided to give us something. Run away, ask for help, get out of that situation as quickly as possible.
Lie #3: Sex needs to be the motivation for someone to stay with me.
Sex was not meant as a means to keep someone with you. Part of it is to bond husband and wife together, in the commitment and covenant they both agreed to but it is not to be used as a means of manipulation. Having sex so someone will stay with you may only work for a period of time until they find someone else to please them. Using this tactic will leave you empty and that’s not how the Lord wants us living this life.
“And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.” (Isa. 58:11)
If you find yourself not being able to get over someone and wanting to control them with sex, ask the Lord to help and heal you. In this scripture, we see what the Lord promises us when we have been burned in this process of our doing. He promises a life of refreshment. How many of us need a refreshment after trying everything in our power to control someone else through sex?
I know many of us have witnessed what this looks like in our family or from those around us. Some people waste years and energy on people who could care less about them and only come around when they are bored or need someone to satisfy them. It’s a way to be a part of them even if it’s at their own expense. Let that not be you.
When you choose His way, you will start to see the way out of bondage. Allowing yourself to release that person and yourself.
Lie #4: Sex is no big deal.
After a bible study session on sexual purity, one of my teens told me before the session she thought sex was no big deal. I was genuinely surprised that even in Christian Teen dating, Christian teens were believing this as well. One of the ways the devil has twisted the idea of sex is by making it seem like it’s a natural part of life that holds no significance. It has become another act held at the same level of changing your clothes or brushing your teeth.
Sex sounds pretty significant if God is going to “judge the sexually immoral and adulterous”. There are many scriptures that talk about sex and it’s design along with the consequences if you misuse it.
“Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God.” (Gal. 5:19-21)
The enemy wants you to believe sex is no big deal because the consequences are. Have you ever witnessed someone in a horrible abusive relationship and not being able to walk away? Have you heard people take their life because they have been exposed in their sex life? Do you know anyone with an STD? Do you know of anyone who lost their life because of sex? The list can go on and on.
Unfortunately, many people don’t realize the realities and significance of sex and obeying the Lord surrounding it until they have experienced severe consequence.
This is not to say that the Lord can’t heal, save, and restore many of these consequences but we are also called not to test Him. We are not supposed to use who we are in Christ to do what we want, fully expecting Him to cover our sin by saving us when something goes wrong.
I learned this the hard way when I got an STD. I thought I was covered because I was a Christian. I didn’t realize that by stepping outside God’s design for sex, I was opening up myself to consequences the enemy had waiting for me. You can read more about my testimony HERE.
Please take my testimony and make it yours so it doesn’t have to be you and if you have a similar story, please don’t use the consequence as an excuse to continue sinning. Learn the lesson and start walking out your purity journey now so you don’t suffer any more.
Lie #5: You should know what someone is like sexually BEFORE you marry them.
You are not a car to be test driven, a product that can refunded or exchanged, you are worth more than someone trying you out and then deciding whether or not they want to keep you. The same goes for the other person. People aren’t called to be tried out sexually and then discarded if they don’t meet the your standards.
The world, the enemy and those he deceives, wants teens to think that they have to be tried out and they have to try out others. The world wants you to believe this is natural and necessary before you get married, but what does the Lord say?
The beauty of sex within the context of a Godly, safe, and healthy marriage is you get to know each other intimately. There is beauty in knowing each other in the secret place of intimacy that no one else does. You belong to each other and marriage is called to protect that. Whatever that knowledge is, it is to bind husband and wife together not separate them or switch partners because they don’t like something.
Even if you have experienced other people get divorced, we know this still happens in Christian marriages too, we are all called to stand before the Lord one day and we want to be able to stand before the Lord knowing we did all we could to obey His commands. Someone else’s sin will never justify us sinning. We are still called to obey even if they don’t.
Again, we are called into holiness regardless of the end result. We must have the “even if” attitude. Even if it ends in divorce, even if someone cheats on me, I will obey the Lord.
Lie #6: You shouldn’t be ashamed of having sex outside of marriage, the church made that up.
I have heard this all over the media and in real life experiences. The world, the enemy and those he deceives, believe and want people to believe that shame was created by the church to manipulate and oppress. The very thing they are saying they are trying to stop is the very thing they are doing.
The results of having sex in a Godly, safe, and healthy marriage are vastly different than those engaged in sex outside the context of marriage.
Shame was never to be a result of sexual intimacy. The world wants to blame the church for shame in sex. They say it’s something the church made up because they don’t want you to have a conscience awareness that sex outside of marriage is wrong. They don’t want to held accountable for their own actions so they encourage others to their way of thinking. It’s also more difficult to manipulate someone when they know the truth and stand firm in God’s standard so they fight to change your mind.
Shame tells us something is wrong. Shame is an indicator that we are not walking by God’s standards. When you are a follower of Christ, you can’t do what you want and not have the Lord say something about it.
Holy Spirit reminds us and is grieved when we are disobeying God. God has a standard for sex for a reason. We have witnessed the abuse and consequences, aside from shame, that cannot be denied as much as the world, the enemy and those he deceives, would want us to. Sex when used outside of the context of marriage is a weapon and we have seen its victims.
Lie #7: Give them what they want, and you will get what you want.
This is definitely one I believed. In the beginning, I wanted someone to love me unconditionally and commit to me so I thought by having sex with guys I would get this faster and it would last. However, this was quite the opposite. Not only did the relationships not last but sometimes they never even started.
“So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” (Eph. 3:17-19)
The enemy wants you to believe that you can only be fulfilled by having sex and that love only comes through a boyfriend or girlfriend. I had to learn the Lord’s love for me. After being in relationships back to back since I was 12 years old, the Lord had me single for around 10 months before I entered into my next relationship which ended up being my husband now.
During that time I learned so much. He taught me how to wait for marriage, He taught me Who He was in my life, He taught me true love, and true satisfaction outside sexual behavior.
I had to be satisfied and fulfilled in Him first so my next relationship would be walked out with Godly standards. There is nothing like the love of the Lord. We will find exactly what we need in Him so when we enter into a relationship with someone else, we won’t be looking for in them what only God can provide. This goes for even after you’re married.
I pray for your journey through Christian teen dating and in this area of sex. This is not an exhaustive list of lies. We know the enemy has many of them but for every lie he has, we have God’s truth written out in His Word to be known and reminded of. The Lord met me where I was and thankfully He didn’t leave me there and He will not leave you there either. He reached out His hand and in return I had to give Him mine. Will you give Him yours?
He has a better life for you. Will you accept it? Will you search the Word for truth? Your life depends on it!
Prayer Starter Against Lies Christian Teens Believe About Sex:
Lord Jesus Christ, first, I ask for forgiveness if I have been sexually immoral. I ask for Your wisdom and knowledge over the topic of sex and what Your design for it is. I cancel all lies and deception from the enemy that is seeking to steal, kill, and destroy my life in this area. I forgive myself for believing these lies as they may have come when I was a child or immature in my walk with You. I ask for forgiveness from you if I have willingly allowed false information to come to me either in the form of pornography (if you need help on how to battle pornography, click HERE: “Pornography Addiction Help: 6 Truths to Help Young Women Addicted to Pornography”), hanging out with the wrong people, not spending time praying or learning Your Word of God, social media, or any other doorway I have opened. I ask for healing and restoration if something was forced upon me causing me to behave in ways You don’t want for my life.
I rebuke each of these lies and deceptions from my mind through the power and authority given to me in the Name of Jesus Christ. Speak to me Holy Spirit as I study the Bible and learn about purity. I pray for healing in my sexual past so I can move forward in my journey of sexual purity with no strongholds, no ties to any people, or anything else that may try to keep me from full freedom in You. I pray all of these things in the mighty Name of Jesus, Amen!
Basket of Blessings!
Jesus, family, ministry, and lots of coffee! My heart comes from being a young teen girl who didn’t know much and found Jesus in a dark time. My ministry focuses on the heart of God for this generation to make Godly decisions especially in the area of purity. A blog for all ages because God’s Word is eternal and has no age limit!